Anthony Davis Swears By This Method

What’s the secret behind being a 10x NBA All-Star? For Anthony Davis of the Washington Wizards, it’s all about rest and recovery. But the type of rest, he says, is even more important than the rest itself.

“Most people don’t know this, but I actually will only sleep inside of a hoop.” When asked for clarification, Davis said, “I only dunk myself into bed.” When asked for clarification on that, Davis said, “I only sleep inside of a hoop, and only dunk myself into bed.”

Davis admitted that his method may not work for everyone. LeBron James reportedly opts to sleep in a bed rather than a hoop. Jalen Brunson has been known to favor a waterbed from time to time, but has not provided comment about sleeping in a hoop.

The hardest part surprisingly isn’t sleeping inside of a hoop, Davis shared. “It’s fine once you’re in there. But dunking yourself into bed, well. That’s a whole different ball game.”

Davis prefers to keep his dunking method as private as possible, but urges naysayers to look to his impressive record on the court. “I mean, just look at my stats. I can dunk a thousand balls in a match. You think I can’t do that in bed?”

Davis dreads the day that he’ll get old, and he won’t be able to sleep inside of a hoop anymore, let alone muster up the physical stamina to dunk himself into bed. He’s accepted it. “You’ve got to make peace with reality.”

We asked Davis for some of his other habits that keep him feeling his best. He mentioned eating a nutritious breakfast of hoops, dunking himself moderately for at least thirty minutes a day, and limiting processed hoops. When we asked Davis what the hell any of that meant, he was quiet for a while. But eventually, he just smiled. Then, his smile faded. He was, again, quiet for a while.

Author’s note: Anthony Davis reportedly suffered a severe concussion before accepting this interview.

A Harvard Lampoon parody