Scarlett Johansson in the Hot Seat Again For Accepting Role of Master Oogway in Kung Fu Panda 5

After fierce pushback to her casting as Major Motoko Kusanagi in the movie adaptation of the Japanese anime Ghost in the Shell, nobody expected non-Asian actress Scarlett Johansson to take on any more ethnically controversial roles. But Johansson is under fire yet again for her decision to play canonically Chinese turtle Master Oogway in the fifth installment of blockbuster animated movie Kung Fu Panda.

Some fans are up in arms. “Fool me once, shame on you, but fool me twice, shame on me,” says director James Cameron, who would watch the Kung Fu Panda movies after a long day of throwing chairs at his actors. However, other fans are warming up to the idea of a Johansson Oogway: “I never thought I’d watch a movie like Kung Fu Panda, but now I guess I will,” muses Thom Robb, a known racist.

Following the sudden, mysterious vocal cord injury of original voice actor Randall Duk Kim, Johansson was quickly installed as his replacement. Colin Jost, Johansson’s husband, is currently under investigation for foul play.

When pressed on her decision to take on the role, Johansson simply responded, “Your mind is like water, my friend. When it is agitated, it becomes difficult to see. But if you allow it to settle, the answer becomes clear.” She followed this with “I am Oogway,” in a vaguely Chinese accent, before channeling Chi to arrange some fallen leaves into a yin and yang. Insiders close to Johansson say she is going full method for the role.

Despite the controversy, Kung Fu Panda 5 is set to gross 200 million dollars in its opening weekend. Executives are now scrambling to get Johansson in their movies, and she is rumored to be the lead of Crazy Rich Asians 2.

A Harvard Lampoon parody