I Guess They’ll Just Make Anything: New Anthropomorphic Toothbrush Movie From Pixar Grosses $1.2 Billion at the Box Office

“MEIXING,” the new Pixar movie about a young toothbrush named Meixing with clinical anxiety, has just surpassed Avengers: Endgame as the biggest box office opening in cinema history.

Director Steve Smith said that the hardest part of his feature debut was deciding whether the protagonist had teeth. “I mean, she’s a toothbrush, right, so it would be a weird nesting doll situation if she had her own teeth, you know? Kind of navel-gazey,” mused the NYU freshman as he fiddled around with his vape.

At the same time, he explained, “She’s an anthropomorphic toothbrush, and – you know, what’s more human about us than our teeth?” (Smith went on to say he was inspired to write MEIXING after reading that “the teeth are the key to the soul” in Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. At the time of print, reporters from The Hollywood Reporter were unable to verify the truth of this statement at all, in any way, shape, or form) In the end, the creative team decided to give Meixing teeth – and her own mini toothbrush, named Bristles, who’s quickly become a beloved fan favorite.

Jack Black, who voices Meixing, admitted that even he’s surprised the movie is generating Oscar buzz. “I didn’t think it had the emotional gravitas the Academy was looking for, but I guess Meixing’s struggle with insecurity when the new Oral-B iO Series 10 came onto the scene really resonated with viewers aged 8 – 10.”

MEIXING’s runaway success has extended to its original soundtrack, which includes the #1 charting “My teeth are white, so why do I feel so sad” by Taylor Swift. All of this points to Pixar greenlighting two new sequels, MEIXING: ELECTRIC and MEIXING: INTRADENTAL; the budget will require them to shut down their entire animation department.

A Harvard Lampoon parody