HORMUZ, IRAN — Paddington Bear has fully adapted to life with the Browns in London, and with little Judy soon off to college, he’s learning to pull extra weight around the house—but not without a little fun. He puts on his raincoat in the kitchen and twirls a wet mop over his head. He fights a bubble pirate while cleaning the bathtub.
But on a particularly windy day, as Paddington skips to the fruit market, his signature red hat is sent flying into the horizon. “It’s headed southeast!” Paddington cries, “Between Iran and Oman!”
“That’s the Strait of Hormuz, you silly bear,” clarifies the bookish Judy. And with that, the Browns are off for another adventure.
Paddington sits in the aisle of the plane sipping a mimosa, his feet barely over the seat’s edge. “We will now begin our descent into The Royal Air Force Base in Thumrait, Oman.” The left wing dips, causing Paddington’s mimosa to spill into the air, but before the liquid comes crashing down, he frantically manages to catch all of it in his cup. He wipes his brow. “Oh-man, that was close!” As the Brown family laughs, a flurry of thermonuclear missiles whip past the window.
A board room is filled with Iranian government officials who speak in perfect London accents. “The best next step is to blockade the Strait, plain and simple.” A young attaché, played by Sir Ben Kingsley, rises. “It’s already been done, sir.” Cut to hundreds of cargo ships blowing their horns, all held up by the red hat gently floating downstream in front of them.
“After the assassination of Supreme Leader Ali Khamenai, we knew a man wouldn’t do, but a bear might.” Paddington and the young attaché stand in front of Baharestan Palace before thousands of Iranian civilians. “Supreme Leader Paddington Bear, please place your hands on the Qur’an.” Paddington’s paws are covered in marmalade and he accidentally tears out a few pages. The Brown family chuckles: it’s pretty cute.
The film’s director, Dougal Wilson, has taken to X to address the immediate backlash following the trailer’s release. “We just wanted to make a film that’s fun for the family,” tweeted Wilson. “Iran also happens to have an unbeatable tax credit right now.”
A Harvard Lampoon parody
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